The Forgotten Tragedy
by katta16
Summary: Tom’s life goes from bad to worst after an alien attack, when he starts to remember a secret that his father had wanted to keep desperately secret. Chapter 5 is up
1. The Buried Truth

Disclaimer; I don't own voyager, Tom Paris, Harry, Janeway etc. but the storyline is all mine.  
  
Rating: PG-13 Because it is not really violent enough to call an R though it does talk about wife beating, but nothing graphic.  
  
Summery: Tom's life goes from bad to worst after an alien attack, when he starts to remember a secret that his father had wanted to keep desperately secret.  
  
Pairings: P, P/T Crew  
  
Part 1 of ?  
  
The Forgotten Tragedy  
  
Chapter1: The Buried Truth  
  
A small head full of golden blonde hair popped up from underneath his covers and looked cautiously around his bedroom in the Paris household. The five year old once again heard the cause of his waking, and Tommy unconsciously clutched his bedspread, that lay rumpled beneath him.  
  
The voices didn't stop, and they continued to roar on below his room. This situation was not unusual for Tommy now days, he could not remember a time when he didn't go a week without these sudden awakenings in the night. The small boy sat up fully now, his eyes now completely open, and all evidence of a sleep erased. He didn't no why he got panicked whenever the noises came, why should he, he knew where the came from.  
  
His mommy and daddy were grown ups, they knew everything. So why did he feel like what they were doing was wrong. His daddy had told him the other day that Starfleet was a group with all the best people in it; he said that Starfleet was the perfect organisation. This calmed him a little as his small mind attempted to rationalize this confusing information. He came to this conclusion, they were Starfleet, and so this had to be a good thing.  
  
He smiled at his explanation, and couldn't wait to tell his two big sisters his rationalization into why their parents shouted when they were in bed. Tommy jumped out of his bed the smile still plastered on his face; he walked towards the door of his room and started towards his sisters' room on the other side of the landing. He had never dared go out of his room before at night when his parents were shouting down stairs, but tonight was different, tonight he knew now that what they were doing was a good thing.  
  
As he walked along the long hallway he had a crash, his pace quickened with urgency to get to his sisters' room. As he cast a glace over the balcony down stairs he could see his parents talking to each over in raised voices, vase which used to be a prized Paris family heirloom now spread all over the floor. He found him self stuck in place on the floor as he was cemented to this one spot. Somewhere deep down, his explanation for the arguments flew out of the window, never to be seen again.  
  
This was not a good thing. When Daddy gets mad it wasn't a good thing. It made him cry, like his mommy was doing now. His mommy was upset. Suddenly at this thought he unfroze from his position and ran towards his sisters' bedroom, finally glad to be there, he ran in but was shocked to see them gone.  
  
For a second he was alarmed but then he remembered his sisters being their friend's house for a slumber party tonight. He was alone, and in the five year olds eyes light years away from his room at the other end of the hall. He knew he had to risk it, if dad found out that he had been out of his room so late in the night, he would be in trouble. So he ran as fast as he could to his room.  
  
He didn't make it.  
  
With all the panic that resided in him, his little legs caved in right in the middle of the hallway. He held his breath to stop the tears caused by the red carpet burn on his knee. But as the little boy looked through the balcony he saw something. Something that he wouldn't remember happening for another 25 years.  
  
The screams of his mother grew louder, but the face of his father only grew redder as his hands grasped her red. Then the screams stopped and his mommy fell to the floor. His father left in a dazed and walked into his study. Tommy guessed that he had gone to call for and emergency transport, in order to make his mommy all better again.  
  
He knew that his mommy would hate to be alone. When he was hurt, she was always hugging him. Tommy ran down the stairs, his eyes on his mommy, at all times. Little did Tommy know that this was the worst mistake he would ever make. He sat down next to her, shaking his mommy to get her to wake from her slumber.  
  
She didn't wake. She never would again.  
  
Tommy didn't hear the footsteps of his father until he was right behind him, he turned just in time to see the hypospray in his fathers hand, he smiled as he assumed it was to make his mommy better. He guessed wrong, and then there was nothing.  
  
****  
  
Tom Paris awoke with a scream in his empty quarters on board the starship Voyager. He'd had that nightmare again, though he could never remember what happened it all ways made him feel like his insides had been extracted and replaced with Neelix's Leola root stew. ] "Computer what's the time," Tom asked the ships computer as he got up from his bed absently rubbing a spot on his leg.  
  
"It is 0443 hours," the computer responded in its monotone voice. Tom knew he would never get back to sleep tonight. His still felt nauseous about his nightmare. He briefly wondered what this dream could be about, and why he couldn't remember it, he could always remember his other nightmares, but this one was different. He pushed that thought away and sat down with a book a started to read. He had a duty shift at 0800 hours, he had plenty of time to kill. Crossing his legs over he didn't notice the carpet burn on his leg. However, the invisible occupant in his quarters did.  
  
This could be interesting. That was all it thought as it vacated the quarters of his new victim.  
  
****  
  
Please review this, I haven't done a fanfic like this before, and would love comments from anyone who can type. If all goes well the next chapter should be out soon.  
  
Thanks  
  
Katta15 


	2. Ignorance is Bliss

Disclaimer and summery in Chapter 1  
  
This is set six months into the p/t relationship but Tom is still a Lt.  
  
The Forgotten Tragedy  
  
Chapter 1: Ignorance is bliss  
  
The universe was full of many wonders, and where there were wonders there will lay mysteries. Wonders like how a person can travel through space and time at the push of a button? And mysteries like how can someone who has been killing time for four hours still be late for his duty shift?  
  
To Tom Paris this was the greatest mystery of them all, and his most recent problem was how to walk onto the bridge and try to make an excuse for why he was ten minutes late. The truth was, he didn't know. One minute he was reading a book that BE'lanna had given him to celebrate the anniversary of their six months of relationship and the next minute the Captains voice came over the COM to inform him that the better get to the bridge quickly because Tuvok was seriously considering throwing him in the brig for his tardiness. Tom noted that there was only one excuse that he, Tom Paris could ever use. In fact, Tom Paris knew that he was one of the only people on this ship who could get away with using it, and he would use this to his advantage right now.  
  
The turbolift doors opened to reveal the bridge and it's crew. Upon his arrival he noticed the alpha shift crew turn and await his performance. These faces included Harry and all his other colleges and friends plus the stern face of his captain.  
  
"Why are you ten minutes late for duty shift Mr Paris," The captain said, her face like stone as she gave him her famous death glare. Her death glare was known to make any person that served under her want to collapse to the floor beneath them and die rather than look her in the eye. But for Tom it was a simple opportunity just to smile right back at her with his trademark smile that he had formed over the years.  
  
"Well it's quite an interesting tale actually I was in my quarters when these aliens came in the form of giant Leola roots, and took me to their space ship and force fed me all of Neelix's concoctions in one go," Tom paused for a second to catch his breath, his smile gone and a look of complete seriousness in his eyes. His captains face still as cold as when he had first arrived. "The next thing I remember is you calling me over the COM. Apparently they had got the wrong man, but the pure torture of it all will always haunt me, and I doubt I will ever be able to even look at Leola root again." His face remained serious, as did his captains as she spoke.  
  
"How come we didn't see any sign that they came aboard? Or a ship for that matter." Tom just looked shocked, raising his hand to his mouth and gasping.  
  
"Oh god, they've got to you too," Tom spoke in a stage whisper to her, this caused her eyes to loosen a little and the signs of a smile start to come.  
  
"Sit down Mr Paris, and make the time loss at the end of your shift." The captain stated keeping her smile at bay, which was more than the other people on the bridge could do. "And I once read that after a traumatic experience one must face their fears caused by it, I'm going to make sure that you only receive Neelix's cooking until I believe you have faced your fear Mr Paris, for your own sake,"  
  
Tom smile disappeared as he sat down, and his Captains smile only grew at her victory. Tom knew he had lost against the captain, he always did, but he had made the day a little more interesting for everyone. But there was an irony of his ridiculous excuse that he hadn't realised. Part of it was true. There had been aliens and he had been taken, but not to his recollection, and they were not giant Leola roots. This was the answer to the mystery; he was late because for four hours he had not been on this ship, and was only returned a minute before the COM badge had called him. He was of course oblivious to this, just as he was unaware to the problems that lay ahead.  
  
****  
  
The hooded figure watched with delight at the ignorance of these humans. They'd had know idea when he had come aboard and taken his victim where he sat. And Paris had no memory of it what so ever, but they had been fair to the human, upon wiping one part of his memory, they had unleashed the buried one.  
  
"And now all we have to do is watch," Haddaka stated, the haunting smile playing across his white lips.  
  
"Why hasn't he remembered yet," Mekasae asked his superior looking through the window like object that covered the floor, showing the bridge of the Starship voyager.  
  
Haddaka turned to face the younger varska, and spoke with a gentle smile that only clashed with his harsh words.  
  
"And what would be the fun if it only last mere seconds. No, he will remember, slowly and undoubtedly very painfully." The sound of laughter filled the room as they once again turned to face the human, waiting for hell to sweep the decks.  
  
**** Ok please tell me what you think. If you don't like it tell me why, be constructive I always try to be when leaving a review. If you do like it well tell me why and plus reviews are a good motivator. The next chapter will be out as soon as I write it.  
  
Thanks  
  
Katta15 


	3. Distorted Reflections

Disclaimer and that in part 1.  
  
The Forgotten Tragedy  
  
Chapter 3: Distorted reflections  
The man faced the boy, and they both stared the same expression as the other. Tom Paris knew the blonde haired and blue-eyed boy that stood in front of him. He turned from the mirror the confused expression on his face deepening as he tried to grasp the reality of this situation. He knew where he was, and he knew who he was. That was a start at least.  
  
"I'm Lt Thomas Eugene Paris of the Starship Voyager," He repeated to himself for the second time since he had found himself in his childhood home. When he had first got here, if he was here at all of course, he had assumed that he was dreaming. But the more that his mind played over the events leading up to his supposed arrival home, the more he questioned his initial theory. He didn't remember going to sleep; he didn't even remember feeling tired. The last thing he did remember was walking over to the replicator in his quarters to get something to eat.  
  
"But this can't be real it must be some kind of trick, or maybe I banged my head again. I hope the for the Doc's sake I didn't, he is getting real tired of patching m." His ramblings were suddenly cut off by a scream. He turned only to face the boy in the mirror again. But something had changed from the last time he had looked. The first thing he noticed was that there was no longer a mirror. The second however was a lot more worrying as the boy who just moments ago had been his reflection, distorted by time maybe, but still a simple copy of this own actions, was now a living, breathing and screaming child, which used to be him.  
  
Tommy was desperately waving his arms in the air at him, an urgent expression upon his pale and panicked face. His mouth opened and the silent words flew out. Tommy was not producing a sound. Tom realized to his dismay that Tommy couldn't talk to him. If this was some kind dream, he didn't know where it came from. But that was most definitely the least important of his fears at the moment. The most important being that if Tommy didn't scream who did, and why did he get the feeling that Tommy knew a lot more about what was going on than he did.  
  
Once again his thoughts were interrupted by another scream, but this time, he was certain that it had originated from down stairs. He turned to see Tommy, but he was gone. It was then that Tom realized that Tommy was not the one who had left the room, as he now stood on the landing, looking down on the scene below. The picture was a familiar one at that; he was seeing it from a slightly different perspective this time though. In the middle of the floor below him lay his mother, he didn't need to be a field medic to know that the young woman was long dead. A tear escaped his eyes and his hand automatically went up to brush it away. He watched the play begin, though he felt that he'd seen it a hundred times before, and in a way he had done for so many years in his mind.  
  
Tommy rushed towards his mother, kneeling down beside her, willing her with his still silent pleas for her to wake. Security followed him in, giving the orders to find the drunk man who had been seen by the admiral running from the scene. He waited for the admiral to follow security like he had done when this happened all those years ago, to drag his crying son from his dead wife's body. But he never showed. And Tommy kept crying. Then suddenly he looked up him, their identical blues both held the same confusion. The boy pointed at him, fear in his eyes. Then the young boy spoke, his voice weak as if it was struggling to reach Tommy's mouth, but tom heard the word loud and clear, and there was no mistake in what he said.  
  
"Murderer," And that was it, nothing else. Tom stood dazed. His inner child, or the boy had thought that he was a murderer. Yes. Sometimes he thought of himself as one, but not recently, not since voyager. He was abruptly interrupted from his thoughts by a suffocating feeling on his face. He panicked. His heart pulsated at an irregular rate, and he felt like it was going to explode. He thought it had when things around him started to dim. In the back of his mind he acknowledges the mirrors return. But again his image was replaced with another.  
  
His fathers.  
  
Before he could think more about the reflection. A sharp pain in his wrist brought the dream world tumbling down, and he hit reality hard.  
  
****  
  
"I think we should call sick bay," The young Ensign said, looking at the pilot, who was at this moment enjoying the dull, gray bulkheads of the wall outsides his quarters. Ensigns Matthews and Stevenson's were on their way to the messhall when they came across the statue like Lt. Standing straight just staring at the wall. After some shouting and shaking they were starting to worry about the young officer.  
  
"No way, you know how the Doctor gets with his favorite patients, and Tom hates sickbay," Matthews argued. The truth was he wasn't to keen on having to go down the see the Doctor to answer a large amount of questions instead of getting his dinner, which he had been looking forward to after to shifts in Engineering. By the look on Stevenson's face he knew he had won.  
  
" Well we can't just leave him like this," She paused thinking thoughtfully for a moment and then her eyes beamed with an idea. An idea, which would cause her colleague to a trip to sickbay. "You throw water on them, I read it in a book."  
  
" A book, then it must be right," Matthews answered in a hurry. For a moment he questioned her knowledge. The idea that maybe she had got it the wrong was a round but he was starving. Of course little did he know he wouldn't eat anything till the next day? So he took the easiest option and just agreed.  
  
A couple of minutes after Stevenson left for a glass of water she returned and gave it with a slight smile on her face to Matthews. As much as she like the Lt, she had to admit that the thought of chucking a glass of freezing cold water on him was amusing.  
  
"You want mw to do it. You had the idea, you do it," Matthews stated refusing to take the glass from her hand.  
  
"Wimp," she replied, the smile still tugging at her lips. She angles the glass. Took a deep breath and then started to question the book she had read. Had this been under the "under no circumstance" Section. She decided not to go through with the plan. This was all too quick for her hand as the water was ready launching itself at an all mighty speed towards her superior officers face. His eyes seemed to focus more, and for a split second her doubts left as she thought that she was right after all. This didn't last long, as seconds later she noticed the panicked look and harsh breathing of the still partially distracted man. She noticed the tightening of his fist and reacted by diving out of the way form the now incoming fist. Matthews however, was not so lucky and got the pilots fist right in the jaw. He unfortunately reacted before he thought this situation and punched the officer in response to the attack. Mere seconds after Tom had come back to reality, he was leaving it again falling unconscious on the floor.  
  
"Now can we go to Sickbay," Stevenson asked worry revealed in her voice. Her hand was already reaching up to call for the emergency transport. She had an unpleasant feeling that the Lt wasn't going to be too pleased. Moments later the blue beam of the transporter whisked them to sickbay to meet their fates. Her only hope was that the Doctor was in a remotely good mood.  
  
****  
  
Right that's chapter 3 out. Please review this because I need to know what people think. Also the more reviews the more motivation I have to write chapter 4.  
  
Thanks Katta15 


	4. The Voice

Disclaimer and summery in Chapter 1  
  
This is set six months into the p/t relationship but Tom is still a Lt.  
  
The Forgotten Tragedy  
  
Chapter 4: The Voice  
"Please state the nature of." The hologram started in a cheerful voice as he walked out of his office. But his voice became annoyed when he took in his surroundings, until finally he gave up on his programmed speech.  
  
"Why do I bother to even try to look happy," The doctor said to himself, looking at the two men one lying unconscious on the biobed and the other with a bloody face sitting on the chair. He walked to get the equipment and walked back, still mumbling complaints about Mr. Paris frequent visits. Until, finally he spoke to his patients.  
  
"You know when I walked out that door I knew that there was a thirty-two percent chance that it was him," The hologram moaned nodding towards the unconscious pilot. " So why did I get my hopes up in the first place. What happened to him this time. Hockey in the holodeck?, Neelix's surprise casserole?. What?"  
  
Neither of the two Ensigns answered. The Doctor however was not in a patient mood since the new arrival appeared in his sickbay. "Well," The Doctor pushed as he finished Matthews' jaw. "Do I have to call the Captain?" And that as all it took. The story was blurted out while the Doctor looked over the patient at hand.  
  
"You did what! Chucked cold water over an unresponsive person, why didn't you call sickbay, you are lucky the shock was minor and only knocked him out. There have been cases where the person has gone into cardiac arrest," The Doctor was fuming, not only because they felt qualified to treat his patient with some method read in a book, but now he was bound to be stuck with his annoying assistant for the day. But the major question on the Doctors matrix was since when does Mr Paris sleep walk at 1800 hours.  
  
****  
  
Black. That was all he saw. Complete darkness. He wanted the light to return like it had done before. Then he remembered the fist like object when the light return awhile back, maybe it was better he was in the dark. He didn't know what was out there. He was safer here.  
  
But somewhere deep in Tom mind, a voice said "Since when does Tom Paris play it safe" This unknown voice, he did not recognize, it was new to him. But the voice was right. He heard another voice, and then another, but these were familiar to him. Then another came through the mist. He knew this speaker all too well. Well enough for Tom to try as hard as he could to stay in this dreamy state, though he knew it would not last long.  
  
" Mr Paris, open your eyes. The scans say your awake. I know you can hear me," The Doctor booming voice echoed through his ears. His peace had lasted mere seconds. Opening his blue eyes, he looked around the familiar room. The gray ceiling and door. The Doctors office. The glass window with a boys reflection in it. The other biobed. He stopped, what had he just seen. He turned and looked at the reflecting glass, but he only saw himself, like he should do.  
  
"Mr Paris, if you are quite done with your inspection of my sickbay," The Doctor said, his usual tone more bitter than usual. He didn't give Tom the chance for a come back and carried on. " The Captain is on her way, she is just as eager to find out how you managed to and break a mans jaw while you were sleeping," Toms eyebrows shot up at this accusation, but then remembered that the fist in his dream may of belonged to him. He was just about to inquire to who's jaw he had broke, when his captain walked in with an agitated look upon her face.  
  
"Tom. First of all how are you?" His Captains voice sounded hurried and annoyed. He could tell she was in a rush, if he remembered correctly, she had dinner with Chakotay tonight. No wonder she was in a rush.  
  
"I'm fine," That wasn't the total truth, he felt sick to the stomach about something, but he didn't know what. But he knew that she didn't want to be here. This made him feel slightly disappointed that she wasn't more worried.  
  
"Good, now what do you remember?" The Captain asked just as hastily. Unaware of how serious this incident was.  
  
" No all I remember is waking up here," A image of himself in a mirror came to mind, then of his mother. He brushed it away. But he was going to think about this later. After his captain had asked a couple more questions, and talked to the doctor, she left. The Doctor went into his office. And Tom. Well Tom was left alone, to think.  
  
The dream had been about his mother. He was sure of that now. His mind started to wonder. He couldn't remember much about his mother. Only that she was beautiful, and she loved him dearly.  
  
*She also had a loud scream* The voice said. Tom Jumped slightly, where had that voice come from. He put it down to hitting his head yet again when he got punched. But the voices remark didn't go unnoticed. To his memory he never remembered hearing his mother screaming. Shouting, yes. But screaming, no. The only time he even thought the tough hearted woman would scream, was the night she was murdered. And he had been at a friends house that night.  
  
*Which friend* He jumped again. After some thinking, he decided that the voice was a subconscious thought. Reminding him of his lonely childhood. He had stayed at.he stopped, whose house had he stayed at. It seemed to him that was something he should remember. The place he had been when his mother was murdered.  
  
*By whom* His subconscious was definitely acting weird today. Of cause he knew who the murderer was. Who was it? It was a drunk, yea, but what was his name.  
  
A shriek brought him abruptly out of his reverie. He looked up. And nearly fainted. There stood himself. This time he spoke, to quietly . This time, this was the first time he'd had a visit from his former self.  
  
*You keep telling yourself that* Tom was getting really freak out by now. Then the boy spoke loud enough for him to hear.  
  
"Daddy been bad," Then the boy was gone, and his confusion grew. The words repeated in his head.  
  
Suddenly he felt like his head was going to explode, and he screamed as the lost memories return.  
  
The doctor rushed in and sedated him, the memories stopped coming. He fell asleep repeating only one word.  
  
"Murderer."  
  
****  
  
Haddaka Sat, smiling. Everyone was looking at him with a grin as they looked at their work.  
  
" What, I got bored," He said, his voice the same as the one that was, just moments ago inside Paris' head. He knew that from now on things were going to anything but dull.  
  
****  
  
Tell me what you think by spending a couple of minutes typing out a review. Sorry this one took longer than the others, had quite a bit of work to do this week. But I found the time, after I received my thirteenth review, cause I need more to get me as far away from my unlucky number. Last year I went on holiday, I was already freaked out due to the fact we flew on Friday the 13. But when I got to my sit, I realized it was the number 13. Creepy.  
  
As I said earlier please review and I'll be happy to write more. No reviews. No fic. Reviews are what make me think. Hum.maybe I will write that chapter now.  
  
I could list the reasons but then I'd be talking way too much. (Like I haven't already)  
  
So save yourselves and Review.  
  
Thanks Katta15 


	5. Untrustworthy

The Forgotten Tragedy  
  
Untrustworthy  
He needed breathing space. Yet even if he did have it, he doubted he would be breathing normally. The Doctor was talking to him, and his friends were crowded around him. But he couldn't hear what they were saying. He hadn't said anything since he had woke, he just couldn't get the image of his father killing his mother out of his head. Why had he done it? Why would he do that to him? But the most persistent question that was on his mind was why had it taken him over 20 years to find out? It wasn't something that could easily slip your mind. Why now?  
  
"Mr Paris, your friends asked you a question. Are you just going to sit in my sickbay sulking, or are you going to answer them." The Doctor said with his usual air and lack of any bedside manner. Tom didn't answer, he didn't think he had the will to speak. He heard the voice of an annoyed half klingon, he knew she was getting impatient with him. Even the soft murmur of Harry's voice was harsher than usual. At first thought lying there, turning the talking into to white noise, and pushing it to the farthest point in his mind, that they had no right to be annoyed with him. But them he thought how he would feel if he was ignored. Because basically he was ignoring them, or maybe just blocking out reality.  
  
Tom heard another voice add to the noise in the back of his head. The Captain's last visit had been rushed. But by her voice this time he could sense she was more worried. But this time he didn't care.  
When she walked in, she didn't know what to expect. One thing she hadn't expected was to see Harry, BE'lanna and the Doctor all shouting at a seemingly oblivious Tom Paris.  
  
"What is going on here," Her voice of authority cut through the uncontrolled argument, which appeared to be very one sided.  
  
"He hasn't said one thing since he woke up. The Doctor said he was fine now." BE'lanna said impatiently, Harry stood besides her looking only slightly more controlled. This was unusual for Harry, he was usual the king of patients, but not today. And the Doctor just looked like his normal grumpy self, but she saw something else in his expression, concern.  
  
"How is he Doctor," Janeway said silencing her two officers. In all of the fighting, they must of overlooked the fact that Tom May have something wrong with him.  
  
'I don't know, the scans say that he isn't in shock, and he was speaking fine earlier, you were here, he did seem fine didn't he?" The Doctor asked the Captain as he ran another scan over the Lt. Janeway felt guilty; she had been in such a bad mood when she had last seen Tom. She should have looked at him; she should have seen something was wrong. Now she looked at the shell of a man just staring at the ceiling. He didn't even seem to acknowledge their existents.  
  
Tom knew they were there, looking at him, scanning him to see what was wrong. But the shouting had stopped. They must be worried. But another voice came through the silence.  
  
*Father and son alike *  
  
No, he was nothing like his father. Or was he. Now he knew his father messed his life up as well. Maybe they were alike. He didn't even noticed his hands move and his mouth open.  
It was sudden. Tom hands flew up and covered his ears. His mouth opened and a scream sliced through the silence. Tom stopped screaming, and seemed more aware of where he was. Jumping from the biobed he walked towards the door. Janeway noticed how panicked he looked.  
  
"I need to get some air. I need some space," Tom said making his way to the sick bay door.  
  
"Tom, what you need is to sit down, and tell us what's wrong," Janeway said walking slowly towards her confused officer.  
  
"Captain, I'm reading elevated stress levels. He's panicking." Stated the doctor as he scanned Tom.  
  
Tom heard them talking softly to him, but he couldn't tell them, they would see him as the son of a murderer. They wouldn't trust him. So he ran out of the sickbay door and too his quarters. He didn't care that he was wearing sickbay pajamas, and that people were staring. All he could think about was getting back to his quarters. He heard his friends calling after him. But if they found out they wouldn't be his friends no more. He saw his quarters and let out a breath. Opening the door he walked in and locked it.  
  
"Look door using authorization Admiral Paris one gamma one," Tom choked out. He knew his fathers code. They wouldn't be able to bother him now.  
As he walked out of his quarters, he felt better than he had last night, after returning from sickbay. He knew now what he ad to do. He knew thathe couldn't tell them what had happened. Even if they did believe him they would never treat him the same. He didn't want this. But if he just acted normal, thing would return to normal, and no one would know. If he couldn't trust his own father, how could he Harry, the Captain. How could he trust BE'lanna. No, he knew now that he couldn't trust anyone. There was only one option left. Doing something he used to do a lot before voyager. Cutting himself off. The less people liked him, the less questions they asked, the less the found out about the past. And he knew the perfect way to do this. All he needed was Jenny Delaney. And some of the old Paris charm.  
"So Jenny, I really needed help with report. Thanks for coming so quickly," Tom said smiling, leaning in closer. He felt bad doing this to BE'lanna but it was for her won good. All he could think is what if someday he snapped like his father did. Before he knew it he was kissing Jenny, he knew any minute someone would walk in and see this. And on cue an ensign walked in, looked at the scene before he and sharply turned and ran to gossip. Tom smiled and looked at her, a sad expression that jenny Thought would never go away on his face.  
  
"Thanks For helping me out Jenny," He Gave her a pleading look as he walked towards the door  
  
"I won't tell," He left her, she knew that he wanted BE'lanna to stay away but why. When he was out of earshot she spoke again. "Unless I have to."  
  
****  
  
Sorry chapter 5 took so long, I've stupidly got two stories going at once. Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon.  
  
Please review or I will lose the will to carry on with this story and focus on my new one. 


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